The Mound - #4 - Going Up?
Welcome to The Mound, a weekly newsletter in which we at Good One Creative pitch— for free — our solutions to the world’s problems
Later today Mr Albanese is going to tell the Committee for Economic Development of Australia that higher wages will drive productivity growth in the aged care sector. That’s if he is able to withstand Phillip Lowe’s best attempts to derail the speech, as the Reserve Bank governor yawns loudly from the back, makes armpit fart noises, and watches a horse race on his phone at full volume. Like all troubled conference attendees, though, Dr Lowe’s behaviour has a rather quite sympathetic explanation - namely that raising wages right now could very well exacerbate inflation.
Thankfully, whilst reading the AFR this morning, we spied an answer to this chicken-or-the-egg, a way to lift productivity in the aged care sector which will in turn allow for higher wages to be paid. Whilst we’re at it, we’re gonna save our cities too.
Here’s how we fix it:
Perhaps as revenge for what they’re doing to us at home, the remote workers of Australia have delivered a devastating blow to the listed landlords of our cities. The office sector is under immense pressure right now - with the price of debt and construction costs both rising, but worst of all is that occupancy rates in some of our tallest towers are continuing to slide.
On behalf of the office, aged, and familial sectors, we propose the following: each of our skyscrapers become aged care facilities. The consolidation of our workspaces and our loved ones will represent the largest leap in productivity yet seen in Australia, as each in-person workday will now double as a few hours spent with our grandmothers and grandfathers. This quality time will obviously be of immense benefit to the elderly’s mental and physical health - thereby reducing their need for specialised care - but their presence will improve our working lives, too.
For starters, just try saying something useless like “what’s the status of X” or “let’s circle back to that” in front of your grandma. The sweet-hearted presence of an elder should eliminate all jargon-usage and indeed foster a culture of careful consideration. But before you imagine their primary effect will be to slow work down, I’ll ask you to remember the last time you left an aged care centre, the zest with which you ran the rest of your day. Indeed, there’s nothing quite like your Nan to remind you that life is precious - which, come to think of it, is just a much nicer of saying that time = money. And if we go so far as to make it mandatory for our respective elders to join us in meetings, I dare say we’ll suddenly become a lot more protective of everyone’s time.
For god’s sake, Rodney. How many quarters do you think Rachel’s poor grandmother has left? I mean, look at her - this really should’ve been an email!
You’re welcome, Australia.
