The Mound - #9 - The 7PM Bulletin
Welcome to The Mound, a weekly newsletter in which we at Good One Creative pitch— for free — our solutions to the world’s problems
According to the AFR, “a staggering two-thirds of the 7PM Bulletin’s viewership is over 65” - and fewer than 8% are younger than 40 years old.
The article then goes on to cite accusations of the ‘grey-BC’ failing to serve all Australians, whilst those employed (for now) at the national broadcaster, through gritted teeth, say this is just the trend of TV more generally. The fresh blood, they reckon (and crave), has all run off to the greener, brighter, funner, sexier, and more convenient pastures of Netflix and the like.
But they’ll be back, they reckon. Oh, theyyyy’ll be back!
Lost in all the subsequent finger-pointing and discussions of digital strategies is a pretty stark question that I’ll put to you instead:
Just exactly who are these mythical, thirty-something-year-old, news-watching freaks that are able to sit down on the couch for half an hour at 7PM on a bleeding weeknight?
(Actually - if this is you - don’t tell me. I can’t go back to jail.)
Budding careers, children, dinner, that goddamn Slack channel, books, an early morning spin class, and the sweet release of sleep: when it comes to the fight for the young person’s evening, the battleground is drenched already in the blood of many a fearsome foe. If the ABC’s to win the hearts and eyeballs of the young, they’re going to have to watch them a little more closely.
Here’s how we fix it:
It almost goes without saying that television is designed for the living room. This is bad news for the Bulletin because - well, yes - they’re right at the ABC. Online streamers like Netflix have already won the battle for the living room, for collapsing onto the couch after a quick dinner and tuning into something before bed. Hell, Netflix even has a dedicated button on most TV remotes nowadays. An old person might argue the ABC has a button, too. (The button 2, coincidentally). But tell me - how many evenings have these same people lost in recent years due to pressing an actual, numerical button on the TV remote?
So, yes, the internet has won the living room - the TV, even! But, here at Good One, we believe the 7PM Bulletin’s antiquated status could very well be its path to revival amongst youth:
Who would’ve thought - back in say 2006 - that the record player would soon become the go-to centre-piece / status-symbol for the inner city share houses of Melbourne? Practically no one. But, as it turns out, young people will actually pay a lot of money for obsolescence, like a weighted blanket, to protect us from the terrors of autonomy and personal choice. We propose the ABC leverage this - and produce for the market a TV with just one channel, the ABC.
This TV will be portable, the station found with antennas, and sized to fit where any self-respecting millennial might be at 7PM on a weeknight… that’s right! It’s a kitchen TV.
On this, the analog channel, the ABC could do away with the flashy pretence of a busy and multi-screened news studio. They should hire Tony Armstrong for the top job - his moustache will go well with the 70s-brown, retro suede of the curtains behind. Actually - he should smoke on air, too! Doesn’t matter, the kids sure as shit ain’t in the kitchen.
Indeed, I’d say the U40s have far from rejected The 7PM Bulletin. We are prevented from it - by the technological and economic landscape left to us by the fuckers now hogging the couch. So let’s bring the TV back to the kitchen and cut us off a slice of that world our grand-folks were so eager to leave behind.
You’re welcome, Australia.
