The Mound - #13 - Matildas Day Off

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Outside the pub - beside its entrance, already crammed with craning folk - the man placed his knee against the brick wall to form a fleshy step-ladder with his right leg. After looking around and slapping his jeans in invitation, another man placed a foot onto the first’s thigh and hoisted himself up to the window above us. Seeing him wobble, I stepped forward and offered my shoulders for stability. With the sleeve of his jacket, then, the second man wiped a spattering of raindrops from the window. From my position in this pyramid of strangers, I couldn’t see his work - but a lady near us said, ‘Well done, gentlemen.’

The small crowd of us then shuffled on the wet pavement until we found the angle at which we could do it - at which we could all see through the now-clean window, over the sea of drunken heads inside, and together watch the last few minutes of Saturday’s match.

Going by the TV ratings, there’s no point writing about what came next; statistically speaking, you watched it too. And the only reason I’ve included the hokey scene above is to emphasise Canberra’s ability to ruin a good thing. By Sunday morning, Nationals leader David Littleproud was on ABC’s Insiders not-wanting to be “Captain Killjoy” - but nevertheless expressing his concerns regarding the PM’s push for a national, public holiday should the Matildas “go all the way and win the final on Sunday”.

Albo says the holiday would “lead to increased economic activity in a whole lot of businesses, particularly small businesses” - whilst the Council of Small Business Organisations of Australia chief executive reminded us that, yeah, penalty rates are pretty darn costly. 

So who are the real Captain Killjoys here? Those who tantalise us with unrealistic dreams of a continental get-down? Or those at the back of the room, reminding us that - economically speaking - it’s a school night? It’s a tough nut to crack - and we don’t know if there is in fact a clear answer. But if there is one we do know here at Good One Creative - it’s how to party. 

Here’s how we fix it:

In another section of the AFR this morning, we were glad to see that the Melbourne CBD’s weekend and evening foot-traffic has increased since even before COVID. Slowly but surely - perhaps freed from its prior, perfunctory perception - the city is actually becoming a place that people want to hang out, to grab drinks and have fun. In this light, a public holiday might actually do the CBD some good - as, according to the report, Monday’s just about as quiet as it gets on Collins Street. A replay of the match in Fed Square would undoubtedly draw a crowd. 

But this doesn’t really address the penalty rates issue. Not for any business hoping to trade outside of the city limits on such a day. And so - to tackle this conundrum - we look backward:

We’re a far cry from Bob Hawke’s celebration following our winning the America's Cup back in ‘83. 

“Any boss who sacks anyone today for not turning up is a bum!”

Now what the sentence may lack in grammatical sheen, it more than makes up for in spirit - which, to be honest, is what you actually want from a leader at a time like this. Whereas once we had Hawke yelling CANNONBAALLLL! to this party of a nation, we now have Albos and Littleprouds and Andrewses arguing as to when the pool last was chlorinated. By formalising our celebrations, the PM has ruined them. 

The fix here is to understand that we don’t want a public holiday; we want a day off. 

To anyone who works in Canberra - listen to me now - There’s a Difference.

There are many shades to this, but perhaps the most pertinent fact here is that you are given the former - and the latter is taken. 

If we can win it this Sunday night, after the whistle we won’t be wanting a whole day of formal celebration, of penalty rates and stamps and special coins. If we can win it this Sunday night, all Australia will need - thinking of all the pubs right across the country, the millions of us all hugging and cheering below TVs up in corners, us all clapping and whooping and climbing down from our varied, man-made pyramids - we won’t want a day, no. We won’t need nothin’ more than a nod from our PM - a thumbs up, a cheeky wink and just three words: “See you Tuesday.”

You’re welcome, Australia.